Moms Come First! Enlightened Parenting
What Is Love in Parenting?

It’s February the month of love, and everyone is talking about that love and how to show it, get it, keep it, display it or sell it. The world is obsessed with this “thing” called love, as poets romanticize it, scientists study it, saints extol it, and parents try to live by it. What is this mystery called love, and how do we get it, hold on to it, and teach it to our children?

From my perspective, we’ve been going at it all wrong! Trying to give our children love and teach them how to love themselves and others is the most ridiculous concept the “Old Age or New Age” have come up with so far. There are classes upon courses, upon seminars professing to help you love yourself, others and God. And people are spending thousands upon thousands of dollars trying to learn the big secret.

So I propose that you save your money and your time and go to the Bahamas and just lay in the Sun secure in the knowledge that you were born breathing, living and being this thing called “love”, and that you don’t have to spend another second thinking, dreaming, hoping and praying to become more love or more loving to your children. (Or anyone else for that matter). Just being Susan, Mary or Delbert is enough to put you in the loving Hall of Fame. And just being in that parent/child relationship with your kids, establishes you both in the eternal embrace of Love.

Now the question arises, how does all this relate practically in the living, day to day interactions with our children? Actually the mechanics of it is quite simple and once you begin to live the truth of love, you and your family both regain the sanity, balance and joy of parenting. You become unafraid of making mistakes that could harm your children, and you become confident in your actions, or reactions, when it comes to parenting “right”.

Love in its tossed about form is an emotion. something that comes and goes like a craving for ice cream or pizza. However love in its true form is a state of being, your very nature, it’s who you are. The search for it is like looking for your nose, or your heart. In it’s true form, love is known as “Unconditional Love”, because it’s unbounded and is not dependent on your moods or experience. It’s the foundation, the blood of life that sustains, supports and gives perfect safety to all your feelings, thoughts and interactions, between you and you child.

In parenting we are always trying to prove our love to our children, and in the process, we lose our authority and ability to do what is right for our children. For example. Let’s say you get mad at little Ashley and yell at her for being mean to her brother. Maybe you over-reacted because you didn’t sleep well last night and you’re edgy. Ashley cries and seems deeply effected and yells or whimpers back at you. “I don’t love you, Mommy, you’re mean, I hate you!”

You feel bad about the situation and later when little Ashley decides she wants a bowl of ice cream with her lunch, you say o.k., even though you know it’s against her best interests (she’s been sniffling all day). She eats the bowl of ice cream and later that day gets fully congested. You knew it was the wrong thing to do, but in your desire to prove your unconditional love, and compensate for your irritability, you parent based on guilt as opposed to parenting in the present situation.

Now Mothers do this all the time, with different scenarios. Whether it’s buying an extra pair of shoes, or spending an extra hour reading to your child at bedtime, when you’re totally exhausted, and know that little Francis is just trying to keep you and himself awake. The motivation in each case is usually the same; trying to prove your unconditional love to your children, and in the process not doing what you know to be the best action for their growth and development.

We have to remember that we and our children are in fact One. Inseparable from each other in Unconditional Love. From the time that child was born, we knew what he needed. We knew when he was hungry before he did, and we knew what he wanted before he could speak. We are One with our children, and that oneness is called Unconditional love. Once we accept that as the truth of our relationship with our children, we can stop trying to prove it, and just do our job. We can stop buying into their constant lament of, “You don’t love me Mommy”, (unless you buy me what I want, or do what I want). Or, “You don’t understand me, you’re so selfish, you don’t really want me to be happy, or whatever the lament of the day is.

Once we clearly live the truth of Unconditional love, we stop living the guilt and confusion of parenting, and start experiencing more confidence and authority in our role. We stop vacillating from the truth of our job as parents and start seeing each situation in it’s present, obvious form. We’re not always waiting for a past psychological or emotional foot to drop on us, or our children. We start parenting in freedom, without fear or projection, of what we might have done in the past, or what we might do in the future, if we don’t constantly “show them” love and attention.

So what is love in parenting? It’s the secure knowledge that you and your children are, have always been, and will always be, madly in love with each other (regardless of any circumstances). And when little George or Sofie asks you how you know, you can say, “Because it is my very nature, and it’s yours too!”

Now you can go parent, and relax.