MORE GURU STORIES
(San Jose 2013)

THE GURU IS YOUR NATURE
This is the FIRST in a series of Trippy-FUN-Miraculous Stories –
San Jose 2014)

It’s Saturday night and I’m getting ready to see Sri Sri tomorrow.
I just took a hot bath and I’m ready for bed when the phone rings.
I assume it’s someone from Los Angeles wanting a ride up North to a course or my daughter
calling to make sure I’m still alive.

I answer the phone and someone on the other line says:
“Dvorahji? Guruji wants to talk to you?”
“Me???” I chirp. “Why would he want to talk to me?”
Then I suddenly hear laughter: “Dvorah!! How are you?”
It’s Guruji. I’m speechless but my “brain” kicks in.
“Hi Guruji. You’re calling Me????”

“Dvorah, come, come to see me?” When are you coming?”
“Guruji this is the first time you ever called me!” I stammer.
“How are you Dvorah, how are you doing?
“I’m great Guruji. You called me, of course I’m great!”
“Well you better be” He chimes.
“You don’t want to ruin my reputation!”
He laughs and I also hear
people in the background, roaring with laughter.

“I’m coming tomorrow Guruji. I have a hotel, and my son’s paying for it.
Well, he says: “If it doesn’t work out, we’ll take care you…”
“OHHH Guruji, that’s so kind and sweet of you, but it’s ok, I have a hotel”
“Ok, but remember, if it doesn’t work out, we’ll take care of you”….

“Ohh Guruji, you’re too much! This is too much!”
“If this is too much I better go now!”
“NO NO- I CAN TAKE IT. Don’t go!” I’m gleefully pleading, but to no avail.
“Jai guru dev” he sings – and he is gonnnnnnnnnne!

I sit there in my nightgown BLOWN AWAY!!!…
“BOY!!!!! he must’ve been bored if he called me!” I chuckle
ORRRR….maybe my time is up and he called to give me last rites! (my dark sense of humor kicks in).
Wouldn’t that be a kick, I chuckle!! Jai Guru Dev and off to lalalalalal LAND. What a great way to goooooo!! hahahahahahhahaha

The morning seems perfect. I get in the car and I’m off to San Jose. It’s a long ride and of course I get lost. (I’m a dyslexic driver). I finally get to my hotel and hobble to the reception desk, where they ask me for my credit card to pay for the room up front. I explain my son is going to pay for it and give them his phone number to call.

Wellllllllll GUESS WHAT???? They don’t take credit cards over the phone.I am stuck. This is NOT working out and I’m actually thinking of just packing it up and going home……..thennnnnnn I remember an inviting loving voice saying to me:

“Dvorah, If it doesn’t work out, we’ll take care of you!”. Mind-boggling!!
He knew. He knew all along it wouldn’t work out. I am blown away with wonder. How the heck did he know????

I get in my car to try and find the Hyatt where Sri Sri is staying. I finally find it after driving around in circles and pull into a parking space.
How will I find him, I wonder, It’s a huge hotel with 14 floors. NO sooner do I get out of the car then I recognize someone walking by with his family:

“I remember you, we were on a course together”.
He nods: ‘Hi Dvorah. I remember you,
I saw you on course having fun with Sri Sri.”
I look at him thankfully:
“Oh thank God I found you. Do you know where Guruji is?”
He points a couple of yards away:
“He’s right over there, giving Darshan.”

We walk in and there is Sri Sri no more then two feet in front of me. I smile like a crazy lady, I so happy to see him.
He throws a bunch of petals and sings: “OHHHH Dvorah, you’re here!”

I’m still beaming like a crazy lady as Guruji takes my hand and asks:
“Dvorah, you have a room?”
I shake my head: “No Guruji”.
He calls one of his helpers over and points at me: “Find Dvorah a room”.
I twirl right in front of him, It’s all I could do to show my joy.

Guruji kept his promise. I followed his helper to my new hotel room. Where do you think the room was????
It was on the 14th floor, right next to His!! Can you believe that??? RIGHT NEXT TO HIM.

It was so weird, I was beyond shocked. How is that possible? I mean really???? How is that possible??
I’m in a room RIGHT NEXT to the Guru. It’s Crazy!!!!!!

No sooner do I put my things away then I’m called into Sri Sri’s greeting room. I walk in and all of a sudden we start having the most ridiculous,
hilarious, outlandish conversation in front of an entire crowd of devotees and I AM STOKED. HAPPY TO BE A STRAIGHT MAN for my
HILARIOUS, WITTY, TINGE OF SARCASM with A TOUCH OF DARK HUMOR – GURU. IT’S A BLAST!!
I feel like Lucy hanging with Rickie (who happens to be my GURU). WHAT a trip!

This happens several days in a row, and by this time I’m so grateful, I’m begging for Seva!!!
(and if you know me – that’s a miracle!!) I start bringing ice water to devotees waiting to see Sri Sri in the hot lobby. I want to do more, but everything seems under control. I’m a guest, and I relax into my good fortune.

I’m blessed for no reason WHATSOEVER. JUST AS I AM.. And GUESS WHAT??? So are UUUUUUUUUUU! Yea! UUUUUUUUU!!!!

U are always taken care of. I promise U. U ARE ALWAYS taken care of. The DIVINE takes care of you. PERIOD. Relax. Just relax and the most amazing things will happen when you least expect it.

The DIVINE is your nature. The GURU is your nature……and when you need IT/HIM – “He’ll” put you up in a hotel room right next to HIM and make FUN with/of U!  and you won’t know what HIT U.

You’ll just know that life is good especially for U at this moment and IT ALWAYS WILL BE!
(whether it seems that way or not!!) hahahahhahahahahahaah

**********************************************************************
AN UNSPEAKABLE TRAGEDY ASSUAGED AND HEALED
(STORY 2 – San Jose 2013)

I’m sitting in Sri Sri’s room on a padded bench directly to the side of him; approximately 3 feet away. Next to me is a middle aged Chinese couple. They sit quietly then catch Guruji’s attention and begin to tell their story.

The man was a policeman for 30 years, his wife a loyal companion and mother of their only son. It comes to light that their son committed suicide (no explanation) and apparently the father found him with massive amounts of blood all over.

The Man can’t get the horrific tragic scene out of his mind. He’s been haunted by the incident since it happened and hasn’t slept for months.
He quit his job out of sheer exhaustion and trauma and lost all sense of peace. His wife also feels completely broken for herself and her husband;
numb with the tragedy. They haven’t eaten or slept for months, and are besides themselves with grief.

As they continue to tell their story, Sri Sri listens compassionately to their pain. All of us in the room feel such deep empathy for this beautiful couple.
Sri Sri hands them prasad (a huge bright orange) and assures them, it’s going to get better. (Both are taking the Shakti Kriya course).

Sri Sri looks at the wife and softly Asks: “It’s better already isn’t it?”
She nods. Sri Sri reassures her it’s going to get even better for them, and they will be able to sleep again without constant images of the tragedy.

They begin to relax, as Guruji naturally hands out prasad to others sitting near. He spontaneously starts joking with me and the mood in the room lightens.
I decide to ask Guruji about my love life:
“Where my man, Guruji? Have you found him yet??”
“I have a 75 year old for you – and he’s vigorous/strong and he has plenty of moneyÓ

“OHHHHH NOOOO! Are you kidding?” I complain. “I want a younger man! Guruji suggests John Osborne, who’s sitting at my feet, leaning against the bench.

“Heck NO!!” I emphatically moan. “He’s wayyyyy too old for me. I want Mikey!!” The place roars with laughter. Mikey (Michael Fishman) turns beet red.

“Don’t encourage her” he implores of Sri Sri and the crowd
“Dvorah”, Guruji counters, “Mikey’s already taken.”
“I don’t care!” I beg, “I want Mikey!” (The place laughs uncontrollably, as Mikey looks around as if to say GET ME OUTTA HERE!!
I’m now beaming with Gleeeeee! I love seeing Mikey so uncomfortable (cause I love him! hahahahhahhahahaha :D)

I turn to Sri Sri and change the subject: “Guruji…I have a great idea. I just started a new program.”
He looks at me inquisitively. “Yes, What is it Dvorah?”.
“Well you know the children’s charity program DOLLAR A DAY? ÉÉ.
Well I’ve decided to start a DOLLAR A NIGHT program” .

The whole room begins to laugh, barely believing what i just said!!. Guruji starts chuckling, his eyes twinkling. And thennnnnnn
THE place begins to ROAR with laughter!

“Yea Guruji”, I continue non-plussed, “I made brochures with my face on the cover, (I vogue the image) “It’s a great idea Guruji! People give me a dollar and I promise not to bother them at night. What do you think????? Really a Great idea??? I’ll make a fortune for charity!Ó

The place is NOW howling with laughter. The air is vibrating with the absurdness of it all!! A DOLLAR A NIGHT CHARITY!
hahahahahahahahhaahahahaha

At this point Mikey (who’s sitting quietly against the wall with John Osborne), offers me a dollar as John asks what will five bucks bring??? The place is now in hysterics.

I happily take the money and assure Mikey he’s safe for 5 days. By now the place is OUT OF CONTROL!! And Guruji is besides himself laughing. And of course,
I’m happy as a monkey with a load of bananas. (Maybe I’ll put a monkey’s face on the brochure. hahahahahahahahaha :D)

The room begins to naturally calm down and Guruji hands out prasad as devotees leave and let others come in to receive a final evening blessing.
The couple sitting next to me turn and offer me their hands:

“We want to thank you.” they say. “This is the first time we’ve laughed since the tragedy. We wanna thank you for making us so happy again.”
I’m taken aback: “I’m so happy to have helped in any way. It was fun, wasn’t it? It’s so wonderful to see you laugh.”
We laugh together again, shaking hands and bow our heads.
We leave Guruji’s room with more prasad and chuckles and happily skip to our rooms. It’s late and we’re ready for sleep.

I have a final thought as I lay in my bed drifting off into space:
The WONDER of the infinite is unimaginable….and healing is a natural WONDER in the presence of The Divine.
___________________________
Update:
The next day as the huge Shakti kriya course ends, participants share their various experiences.
The Taiwanese couple (I met last night in Guruji’s room) gave their testimony, tearfully proclaiming they had their
first peaceful night’s sleep in months, feeling tremendous relief at last.

********************************
LIMPING INTO INFINITY
(with Michael Fishman!  Story 3: San Jose 2013)

Sri Sri lets a group of us waiting outside into his room. ItÕs late at night and IÕm stoked because
I donÕt have far to go CAUSE my room is right next to his!! (Remember?????) I walk in and sit on the floor facing Sri Sri.

My feet are pointing directly at him. John whoÕs sitting next to me, tells me to move my feet away from gurujiÕs direction or at least cover them. I try, but itÕs very uncomfortable. IÕm thinking (Geez! Give me a break! Not another traditional old wives tale).

And I remember Guruji once saying: ÒDid I say that?? Did I tell you to do that?Ó
So now IÕm feeling more at ease with the whole ÒfeetÓ situation.

Nevertheless, IÕm still trying to move my feet, not wanting to seem disrespectful. Sri Sri sees me fidgeting and offers a solution:
ÒDvorah, come sit over hereÓ.

He motions to the bench to his right where my friend Jeff is sitting.
I move over there and get comfy. My backÕs been screwed up for long time and sometimes I lose my usual Òsexy walkÓ and kinda ÒhobbleÓ around.  I actually bought one of those Native Indian walking sticks and call it my Danda stick. IÕm still waiting to ÒdandaÓ someone! hahahahhahaha

IÕm sitting happily looking at Sri Sri, minding my own business when he calls me out:
ÒLook! ThereÕs Mikey over there!Ó He wrote ÒStumbling into Infinity. Dvorah is Limping into InfinityÓ
The place starts laughing, they sense the fun is about to begin!

ÒThatÕs going to be my NEW book Guruji. Limping into Infinity. Mikey and I are going on tour together. When they call us up to talk about our best sellers, weÕll stumble and Limp onto the podium! hahahahhahahahahahahahaha

Well by this time the iPhone cameras are rolling and weÕre on the floor laughing and I canÕt stop. The mental image of me and Mikey hobbling together up to the podium is just toooooo much. I look over at Mikey and as usual he wants to hide to get away from me.

ÒCÕmon Mikey, letÕs show him how itÕs done!Ó You stumble and IÕll limp and mumble and weÕll just fall into Infinity!Ó
By now no one can keep a straight face, the place is Rolllllllinnnnngngngnggg! OOO TTTT FFFFF LLLLLLL!

ÒOHHHHH GurujiÓ I say. ÒYouÕre the best! Ò(the crowd ooooohhhhhs)
ÒYouÕre THE BEST IN THE WEST!!Ó
I slide down to the floor leaning against his sofa.
The crowd is now laughing and cheering with gleeeeee!)

ÒYou are just too too much GurudevÓ I beam happily. ÒYouÕre just too too much!Ó
ÒWell DvorahÓ He laughs, ÒIÕm surprised you JUST realized that after 25 years!Ó
The crowd in the room in now howling. IÕm looking at Sri Sri transfixed, completely smitten beyond repair. (How the heck does he remember itÕs been exactly 25 years????)

ÒGuruji, do you remember telling me how I look great, at least 20 years younger then my age? Well guess what?? That was NOT a compliment! Guruji! You think that was a compliment, but it wasnÕt!!Ó
I look at the crowd getting ready for my punchlineÉÉÉÉ when Guruji steps in:

ÒYes! She was old even then!Ó He begins to laugh, beating me to my own joke!!
ÒWhen she was a kidÓ He continues, ÒShe looked like a grandma!!Õ hahahahahahahahaha  Even I couldnÕt help laughing so hard, I was choking.
ÒGuruji,Ó I tease, (making a peace sign for the cameras), ÒItÕs tough having a guru thatÕs funnier then you!
ÒNobody can compete with you, De-vo-rah!Ó He laughs.
ÒI give up!Ó I chuckle.
(Now, IÕm thinking I gotta get up, before my legs fall off!)

ÒGuruji, I canÕt get up, seriouslyÓ I complain. “My legs have fallen asleep. CanÕt you call a truck or something to pull me up???Ó
ÒOh DvorahÓ He turns to the crowd. ÒDoes anyone have any bananas?Ó
The crowd begins to giggle. Guruji pats his legs, several times and bobbs up and down in laughter:
ÒIf you sit next to Dvorah and you want some silence, make sure you have a bunch of bananas.Ó
He dissolves in laughter patting me on the shoulder and handing me a date; motioning me to put it in my mouth.

ÒI donÕt think thatÕs funny, Guruji!! Does anyone think thatÕs funny!Ó I say with a straight face.
We all howl with laughter.
ÒGurujiÓ I look up at him, ÒAre you going to call a crane to get me up? How am I going to get up?Ó
ÒAre there any donkeyÕs here?Ó He jokes. ÒIf somebody has to get up, the best thing to do is get a donkey. They come and they drag you up!Ó

HeÕs jousting with me now patting me on the shoulder. WeÕre a comedy routine! and IÕm in @#$%%$@ bliss!!IÕm loving being tapped on the shoulder by my Guru. And I JUST LOVE BEING a STRAIGHT MAN.

ÒIs that donkey stuff true Guruji?Ó, I innocently ask.
ÒYaaaahhhhÓ he affirms. ÒIn ancient times there were no cranes, everything was done by donkey.Ó
We are all in hysterics again imagining me being dragged and hoisted up on a donkey and dragged out the door! hahahahahahahahhahahahahaha IÕm in stitches trying to keep a straight face!!

ÒOYYYYYYÓ I moan, trying to get up again. ÒGuruji, canÕt you just help me lose weight?Ó
ÒMy God!!Ó He retorts, eyes wide open. ÒThatÕs a huge task! It would be easier to ask me to join two continents together!!Ó
The place is now in hysterics, breaking out in rhythmic clapping. Sri Sri hands motion two continents coming together. ItÕs all absurdly amusing!

I pull myself up to my knees, pointing at him with my index finger, as if to say: ÕYou got me!!!Õ
Guruji still laughing, offers a Òhigh fiveÓ and I tap his right hand several times.
I look at the crowd and ask with a straight face: ÒIs that funny?Ó

ÒWhatÕs funnyÓ chides Guruji, ÒIs that you can still talk with a date in your mouth!!!!Ó
The place roars. ÒThat date has a pit in it.Ó He jokes. ÒYou better be careful a tree is going to sprout!Ó
I keep my straight face, as the crowd in the room canÕt control themselves anymore loses it, cheering, laughing, clapping and God knows what else!! Again!
I clearly see IÕve lost this ÔbattleÕ, and begin to get up.
ÒOh wellÓ I think. ÒMaybe next timeÓ.

As I get up, someone in the crowd chirps up: ÒDvorah, we want you to stay here, itÕs so funny!Ó
ÒI know honey!Ó, I respond, pulling myself upright. ÒItÕs because when I go, you all go!!!Ó hahahahahahahahahahha
(Unfortunately we all know thatÕs true!!!)

We are ALL now giggling and happy to be together.
I finally get up as Sri Sri begins to hand out prasad and bless individually all HIS silllllllyyyy smiling unruly devotees (including me).

WE just LOVE having fun and hanging out late at night with our ADORABLE LOVABLE, naturally funny, mystical, magical GURU. I mean really???? What could be better??????
hahahahahahahaha
_________________________________________

A LEI OF PINK ROSES AND GOOD-BYE
4TH FINAL STORY San Jose 2013)

ItÕs my last night in San Jose. IÕm tired, itÕs around 10:p.m. I get ready for bed and put on my white cotton nightgown
that I often use as a dress with a white shawl (just in case there’s more activity Ònext doorÓ and I need to rush in.

I decide to peak outside my door. I see people waiting to say good night to Guruji. I slip back into my room.
IÕll hear if everyone is let into his room because there will be a joyful WHOOP as people scramble in. I relax, sitting in a chair and wait. Maybe IÕll see HIM tonight.

Suddenly I hear a cry outside – I quickly put on my shawl, peek outside and see Sri SriÕs door open and people rushing in.
I go in last and find my usual bench open just to the right of him. IÕm sitting next to Jeff again, my favorite friend.

Sri Sri says something and itÕs really funny, but I didnÕt hear it.
So I chirp up:
ÒGuruji what did I miss??Ó
He jests: ÒEnlightenment!!!Ó (He got me again@!@)

No one expected that! The place rises in laughter. Apparently IÕve just missed The Holy Grail of the spiritual world!
No one makes fun of that! hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
I say: ÒNow, Guruji, is that nice?Ó The place laughs even louder

Then it hits me. Why would I EVEN want enlightenment when I got HIM????? Who cares about ENLIGHTENMENT anyway????
So stupid. Enlightenment is my nature.
Now IÕm singing an old Sonny and Cher song to myself,
ÒÉI got you babe. OH OH OH, I got you babeÉ.Ó

I actually donÕt remember what happened after that. I do remember that It was a short visit before we all got our prasad
and said our good-nights. I left with everyone else and went to my room next door and changed into another night gown
(which of course looks like a dress with flowers), when I heard people talking in His room.

ÒShould I give it a shot and try and get in? He obviously wasnÕt asleep yet?Ó, I thought.
ÒHeck what have I got to lose.Ó

I put on my shawl, go next door and knock. To my surprise IÕm motioned inside. I walk in jesting:
ÒLook Guruji, I even changed dresses for you?Ó
Sri Sri laughs (He knows itÕs a nightgown). Everyone laughs.

Someone says: ÒLooks like a nightgown!Ó Now thereÕs more chuckling.
IÕm in the room with 8 of GurujiÕs attendants and helpers. ItÕs an all male party and I feel perfectly comfortable. After all IÕm an American and weÕre equal arenÕt we?? hahahahahahha

Besides I could be everybodyÕs mother and GurujiÕs sister. Banu had called me ÒBenorahÓ (a play on her name and mine when I told her I was also GurujiÕs sister). It was a joke between us and she would greet me with: ÒOhhh Benorah!Ó whenever sheÕd see me and weÕd laugh.

Guruji motioned to Krshna (who was in the room) to video tape me. I guess he wants my nightgown to be the next Gopi craze! hahahahahhahahaha. I donÕt actually remember anything I said that night but I Do remember laughing a lot.

Guruji would just look at me and weÕd laugh!!! I liked that. I love laughing and I love making otherÕs laugh and I love being laughed at. ItÕs just sooooo muchhhhhh GREAT FUN!!

At one point Guruji was laying on the couch getting comfy, naturally talking to us and I remember feeling completely at home and happy. After a while, Guruji looked at me and said:

ÒDvorah, itÕs time to get some sleep.Ó
I got up easily and said good-bye as I walked out of the room. Usually I fight to stay, but this time I was so content, I didnÕt care that I had to leave while otherÕs could stay. IÕve had more then my share this trip and was grateful. I went to bed knowing IÕd be able to say good-bye to him the next morning, before he left for Canada.

When morning comes, I put on a new white dress (nightgown!hahahahaha) with my white shawl and go outside and wait with everyone else to get in. People are sitting and meditating or just waiting silently.

I brought out some of ÒMY LITTLE GURU books (stories of my adventures with Guruji); and begin to pass them out to people who are interested. I thought it might be fun for them to read while theyÕre waiting to go in. I also brought a couple of original ÒShut UpÓ pamphlets before they were published into books.

The door opens, and we are so happy to come in to bid Sri Sri farewell. I jam myself into the full room – as far away from the door as possible to give otherÕs room to come in. I can barely see him but point my iPhone in his direction so I can get a final video. Everyone is happy and greeting him,
when a 30ish nice looking man plops himself next to GurujiÕs couch,kneels down and starts crying.

At first weÕre all observing in compassion at this guys plight, and I hear Guruji say: ÒNow promise me you wonÕt commit suicideÓ. And again I feel great compassion for this young man. Then something interesting happens.

The man starts to cry harder and starts complaining about his life
and how nothing ever goes right for him and how he lost his girlfriend and he basically goes on and on and on about his miserable life. Guruji listens, then tries to talk to him, but he wonÕt listen. HeÕs got the GuruÕs ear now and he continues to wail and complain.

ÒLook around you!Ó Guruji implores. ÒEveryone has a better life than yours? You are the only one that is suffering? ItÕs because you lost your girlfriend? Relax, Okay, ItÕs going to be all right”

The man isnÕt listening, heÕs having too much fun wailing and complaining. WeÕre all stuck in the room with this guy who wonÕt take any suggestions or leave Sri SriÕs side. We all wait, knowing that Guruji has to leave soon, and we want to say good-bye. WhatÕs going to happen?

ÒOHHHHHHH!Ó IÕm thinking. ÒIf only I hadnÕt given away all my Shut Up books, then I could hand one to Guruji to give to this guy!!
Ó I start chuckling to myself and use my favorite “mantra” while IÕm looking at this guy hoping itÕll do some good. Well, it worked!

Things naturally begin to change as Guruji gets up and shifts his attention to the crowd. He waves to everyone moving in the direction of the door. I see him pick up a gorgeous lei of pink roses from his couch. I can barely see because IÕm on the other side of the room. I wave good-bye silently as he begins to leave, realizing I wonÕt be able to thank him for everything. Then quite unexpectedly I hear a sweet familiar sound:

ÒDeevvorrah??? Deevorahhh???Ó
ÒIÕm here GurujiÓ I say loudly . ÒIÕm over hereÓ.
He turns and moves in my direction putting the lei of flowers around my neck.
ÒThank you GurujiÓ I softly whisper. Ò I love you.Ó

Sri Sri begins to make his way out the door. I somehow push myself ahead of him, so I can see him coming out. He looks straight at me and informs me: Ò Devorah, youÕll write about these conversations weÕve had.ÓÒOf course I will Guruji. IÕll write about everything. Absolutely everything!Ó

He whisks by me, and I see the crowd trying to follow him. IÕm right behind them but by the time I get downstairs, heÕs already gone. I stand on the curb and wave my good-byeÕs in mid air, wearing a beautiful lei of pink roses. WHAT AN ADVENTURE IÕve just had.

As I go back inside, several woman and children approach me:
ÒCan we have a flower from your lei?Ó
ÒOf course!Ó I sing.
And one by one the flowers are offered until all of us have a portion of the lei given to US by our darling Guru. We all hug and thank each other, grateful for this GREAT ADVENTURE together and head upstairs to collect our stuff.

I walk to my car in a daze. I get inside and take a deep breath. WOW!! What in heavenÕs name just happened to me???

And I realize I just had the experience of a lifetime hanginÕ with my favorite buddy (and yours) my Darling GURU!