Dvorahji:
How do we develop self-esteem, respect & love for oneself? How to stop beating oneself up? How to just ask the mind to just shut-up and be happy? Love, Viv

Darling Viv:
Self-esteem, respect, self-love – is one of those concepts like “perfection”. It’s impossible to have self-esteem all the time. Why? Because it’s based on a thought an event in your life. You get a good job, your self-esteem goes up, you lose your job, your self-esteem goes down. Someone compliments you – and there it goes, up again. Someone gives you a rude look, or tells you how wrong you are, and it goes down again. Same with Self-love and respect.

When you’re kind, loving, fair balanced, you love yourself. When you get angry, depressed, dissatisfied, you don’t love yourself. And this goes on and on throughout your entire life and it starts when you’re very young. Your mother, has built you up to be brilliant and great for 5 years until you go to school. Your first day in school, what happens? Some little girl sticks her tongue out, calls you stupid, or makes fun of your lunch box and there goes five years of self-esteem and self-love in ONE SECOND..

So you see this idea of FINALLY gaining self-esteem, respect and self-love is a concept. A made-up theory so psychologist will have something to talk about and you’ll always have something to beat yourself up with. SELF-ESTTEM, RESPECT, SELF-LOVE, comes and goes depending on your physical, psychological balance and the various events in your life. If you base your self-esteem and self love on these events, your love for yourself will always come and go, and you always be wondering why you can’t be different.

Self-Esteem, Self-Love means LOVE OF SELF, ESTEEM OF SELF, and that is your Nature. If Self didn’t love Itself, you wouldn’t be breathing. So you need to look at this whole issue differently, with enlightened eyes. The events in your life, thoughts, feelings actions, are a HAPPENING and have nothing to do with SELF-esteem or SELF-love. YOU are SELF-ESTEEM, YOU are SELF-LOVE. Nothing you say or do or anyone else can say or do effects Who you ARE. You are GREAT! Especially you Vivek, beautiful Viv.

So UNDERSTAND, that your perception of self-esteem, self-love and respect, will ALWAYS, come and go. We don’t worry about them, we move from one event to the next, one thought to the next, one feeling to the next knowing our SELF-ESTEEM, SELF-LOVE, REPECT, are COMPLETELY INTACT at all times. It’s our perception of our life, and how we see ourselves that is always changing and giving us problems.
Do you GET IT?

Now if that same old nagging thought comes, “oh you are so stupid, why can’t you be more loving, what’s wrong with you, why did you eat that junk, why are you so angry, make that dumb mistake, or lose that money”: You can observe it and drop it, or say to yourself, “Shut up!” and then move on. Sometimes it helps to physically move on, i.e. let your eyes fall on something else, aroma therapy, a flower, get some water, walk outside or turn on the TV. If you’re in the car, hum a song, turn on the radio or say “Shut Up” in your own way. Some people can observe and let go, others need to do something more physical. It depends on what works for you.

I usually let things just come & go into space, where they came from. If it’s a thought that’s particularly bothering me, I’ll talk about it or write about or even scream at myself about it, but I don’t take it to heart and it doesn’t “reduce” my self-esteem, or self-love or respect for my self. Why? Because I know my “thoughts, actions, feelings” are a HAPPENING that come and go – AND I am completely a Divinely Delicious Dvorah! As you are a VIVACIOUS, VICTORIOUS VIV!

So Darling, drop this nonsense, and stop “looking for love, respect, and self-esteem in all the wrong Places”, (isn’t that a song?): And acknowledge where it really lies, YOUR NATURE.

Love your adoring friend always, Dvorah-ji